(10) Condemnation of Ahamkaara (egoism)

EXTRACT FROM VAIRAAGYA PRAKARANAM

(Ahamkaara means the ‘hm’ sound within which makes you separate yourself as a physical structure separated from the rest of the world and other such physical structures. It is the ‘ego’ feeling.

What is this ego?

A child when born has no ego-but the instinct of survival only, like the least evolved animal. As it grows, it enters a process of self-hypnotism. It learns to identify with that image which is seen in the mirror as its form. It trains itself to love and pamper that image-form. It builds its world of objects as that which is connected to the body. It develops a self-imagined collection of information of oneself. Its whole life is constructed around this self-imagined information about oneself. This is Ahamkaara; the ego-feeling in each and every one of the living beings.

Animals also have this Ahamkaara without the expression of any language or thought form.

Trees also have this silent Ahamkaara without even the ability to move actually.

Stones, mud etc also have this separateness naturally, as specified by nature, though they have no mind or intellect.

All objects have this separateness of existence and maintain their properties or qualities at all times.

Whereas in all inanimate objects this Ahamkaara stays silent and as the pure expression of ‘Existence’ alone, in humans it devolves into a self-conceit based on imagined ideas about oneself.

This self-conceit which makes one utterly selfish and arrogant is condemned by Rama here as the worst quality of all.)

मुधैवाभ्युत्थितो मोहान्मुधैव परिवर्धते मिथ्यामयेन भीतोsस्मि दुरहङ्कारशत्रुणा । अहंकारवशादेव दोषकोश- कदर्थतां द​​दाति दीनदीनानां संसारो विविधाकृतिः । अहंकारवशादापदहङ्काराद्दुराधयोऽहङ्कारवशादीहा नाहङ्कारात्परोरिपुः । तमहङ्कारमाश्रित्य परमं चिरवैरिणं न भुञ्जे न पिबाम्यम्भः किमु भोगान्भुजे मुने ।

I am terrified of the enemy called the wicked egoism which is completely unreal, is produced for no good and develops also for no good. Because of the dominance of Ahamkaara only, the Samsaara made of only desires and desire-fulfillments pushes the wretched of the wretched beings ((in the process licking out the minuscule joys of life) to the worst state of countless faults.Through Ahamkaara only, all the problems rise up; from Ahamkaara only, the wicked mental worries arise; due to Ahamkaara only, the desires arise; there is no enemy greater than the Ahamkaara! Having been under the control of that Ahamkaara, the supreme enemy for such a long time, I do not even like to eat or drink anything (like a slave kept in chains); how can I enjoy any pleasures Hey Muni?

संसाररजनी दीर्घा माया मनसि मोहिनी ततोऽहंकारदोषेण किरातेनेव वागुरा ।यानि दुःखानि दीर्घाणि विषमाणि महान्ति चाहंकारप्रसूतानि तान्यगात्खदिरा इव।

The dark night of Samsaara is long, produces imaginary ghosts, deludes the mind; and I am fully trapped by this Ahamkaara-fault like in a trap set by the hunter. All the great pains and sufferings which one goes through for a prolonged time rise up from the (thick-set) Ahamkaara alone, like the thorny plants from the mountain ground.

शमेन्दुसैंहिकेयास्यं गुणपद्महिमाशनिं साम्यमेघशरत्कालमहंकारं त्यजाम्यहम् । नाहं रामो न मे वाञ्छा भावेषु न च मे मनः शान्तऽऽसितुमिच्छामि स्वात्मनीव जिनो यथा ।

I renounce this Ahamkaara which is the Raahu’s mouth for the moon called peace; the lightning for the lotus of virtues; the autumn for the cloud of courteousness. I am not Rama the son of an emperor; I do not covet pleasures or powers related to the royal birth; I will not entertain thoughts of the world at all, and will stay without a mind; I want to remain quiet like Vishnu absorbed in YogaNidraa.

अहंकारवशाद्यन्मया भुक्तं हृतं कृतं तत्तत्सर्वमवस्त्वेव वस्त्वहन्काररिक्तता ।अहमित्यस्ति चेद्ब्रह्मन्नहमापदि दुःखितः नास्तिचेत्सुखितस्तस्मादनहङ्कारिता वरा । अहंकारं परित्यज्य​ मुने शान्तमनस्तयाऽवतिष्टे गतोद्वेगो भोगौघो भङ्गुरास्पदः ।

Associated with this Ahamkaara, whatever has been eaten, taken, or done by me (all actions tainted by the ‘I’ and me’) are not real at all (as belonging to a dream); that pure state without Ahamkaara is alone the truly stable. If this ‘I’ is there, then Brahman I am always stuck in problems resulting in pain; if it is not there then only there is peace; therefore ego-less state is the best that is to be sought for. I will completely get rid of this ego-feeling hey Muni, and will stay with a quiet mind without anxieties; all the hosts of pleasures enjoyed because of this Ahamkaara, are just the momentary imaginations of joy.

ब्रह्मन्यावदहन्कारवारिद: परिजृम्भते तावद्विकासमायाति तृष्णाकुटजमञ्जरी । अहंकारघने शान्ते तृष्णा नवतडिल्लता शान्तदीपशिखावृत्त्या क्वापि यात्यतिसत्वरम् ।अहंकारमहाविन्ध्ये मनोमत्तमहागजः विस्फूर्ज​ति घनास्फोटैर्स्त​नितैरिव वारिदः । इह देहमहारण्ये घनाहंकारकेसरी योऽयमुल्लसति स्फारस्तेनेदं जगदाततम् ।तृष्णातन्तुलवप्रोता बहुजन्मपरम्पराऽहंकारोग्रखिङ्गेन कण्ठे मुक्तावली कृता ।

As long as this cloud of Ahamkaara keeps growing, so long does the KUTAJA tree of Trshnaa (thirst for pleasures) is filled with blooming flowers.  If the dense Ahamkaara cloud subsides, the flash of lightning namely Trshnaa vanishes off somewhere like a snuffed off lamp-flame. In the great forest of the gigantic mountain of Vindhya namely Ahamkaara (stubborn and unbending), the mad intoxicated huge elephant called the mind (mad with countless wants) trumpets aloud shattering things all around, like the thundering cloud. In this great wilderness of the body, the huge lion of Ahamkaara wanders freely anywhere and everywhere; the world is its ground of hunting. The extremely sensuous rogue called Ahamkaara wears the pearls of successive births woven in the string of Trshnaa.

पुत्रमित्रकलत्रादितन्त्रमन्त्रविवर्जितं प्रसारितमनेनेह मुनेऽहंकारवैरिणा । प्रमार्जितेsहमित्यस्मिन्पदे स्वयमपि द्रुतं प्रमार्जिता भवन्त्येते सर्वैव​ दुराधयः । अहमित्यम्बुदे शान्ते शनैश्च​ शमशातिनी मनोगगनसंमोहमिहिका क्वापि गच्छति । निरहन्कारवृत्तेर्मे मौर्ख्याच्छोकेन सीदतः यद्किञ्चिदुचितं ब्रह्मन्स्तदाख्यातुमर्हसि ।

This enemy named Ahamkaara has produced and spread out through his irremediable sorcery, a net made of son, friend and the family bindings, to trap us all.  If one erases off the limited identity of the ego-state, then all the afflictions also get instantly erased off, hey Muni. When the cloud called ‘I’ subsides, then slowly (by practice) the delusion-mist that fills the mind-sky destroying the quietness vanishes off somewhere. I am now without the Ahamkaara; yet am suffering through ignorance; whatever can cure this pain, please instruct it to me Brahman!

सर्वापदां निलयमध्रुवमन्तरस्थमुन्मुक्तमुत्तमगुणेन न संश्रयामि यत्नादहंकृतिपदं परितोsतिदु:खं शेषेण मां समनुशाधि महानुभाव ॥  

Hey MahaanuBhaava (of great experience)! Instruct me well the Knowledge of that ‘Remaining Principle’ which remains after the destruction of ‘Ahamkaara’, in which I am not able to seek shelter even after trying hard, as I am enveloped by egoism which is free of any good quality, which is situated inside, which is unstable, and which is the abode of all calamities.

{I am stuck with this Ahamkaara like getting stuck under the belly of the cow, near its foot. The cow’s foot being tied with a loose rope keeps kicking me hard continuously and I have to change my position repeatedly for fear of getting kicked. I am in constant pain. I am trying hard to get out of here with no results. Get me out of here and give me freedom.

The Sanskrit word which is used here is AHAM-KRTI-PADA.

PADA means ‘word’ and also ‘foot’. GUNA means ‘quality’ and also ‘rope’.

So the sentence –‘The cow is not tied properly with a good rope’ also means – ‘I am not endowed with excellent virtues.’

The word AHAM-KRTI-PADA refers to the ‘state created by ‘I’ ‘and also ‘the foot of the cow which bellows AHAM’.

A wise man will not take shelter at  the place which is at the foot- region of the cow; which is not tied to a strong rope (Guna); which is situated in the belly part; which is unstable; which is the cause of all pains because of kicking etc.

Same adjectives apply to the state of egoism also.

The wise man will not take shelter in the state of egoism, which is the abode of all sufferings, which does not allow virtues to develop; which is restless and which lurks inside the mind.}